I must have written this around 2010 at a time when I wasn’t yet sure if I would land in America or Europe. I had been ping-ponging between the two for nearly three years.
That wasn’t the only point of confusion in my life. Who to love, who to write for, and what I wanted to do as my studies came to an end.
In that way, and unlike many of my other songs, this piece was highly topical for its moment. I usually hate writing about how I feel, and probably didn’t mean to intentionally, but it just came out. Especially the “hides behind a wall of sound” — I come back to this line all the time. So much of my music is bound up in technique, in the struggle to obfuscate any notion of deeper meaning and in a kind of void and blankness I cultivate that, in its rawest forms, gives way to a feeling of nonsensical joy and even ecstasy. That is my wall of sound — lush arrangements, soaring vocal lines. But like all walls, it asks us to wonder why it was constructed and what, or who, is on the other side. To be honest, I still don’t know. But I do know that this song is very important to me, and I’m learning more and more why with each year’s passing.
Lyrics
Tu peux m'indiquer le chemin Puisque les ombres s'étalent, je pressens c'est la fin Et je veux pas ça Je veux vraiment pas ça Tu peux me montrer la bonne voie Parce que l'espoir s'envole, j'suis en pleine crise de foi Et je veux pas ça Je veux vraiment pas ça And oh, and oh Life gets me down Hides behind a wall of sound How he wishes he were found Tu peux m'entourer de lumière Les étincelles qui rendent la vie moins éphémère Cette noirceur me fend Un manque de joie me prend Tu peux m'étouffer de chaleur Car cette confiance, cette ruse, elles dissimulent la peur Non je veux pas ça Cette emprise de l'au delà Et c'est grâce à toi Je ramasse des bouts de moi